What does a healthy relationship look like?
Overview
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Every person has an emotional range. It is normal to feel low and negative at times. It is important to recognise your own emotional reactions. When times are hard, a common and natural reaction is to become increasingly judgmental and critical of yourself and others. It is good to be aware of your thoughts and feelings, and learn to express them. Your relationship with yourself is the most consistent relationship in your life, and it impacts all of your other relationships. A healthy relationship with yourself will help you to recognise if you are forming unhealthy habits in your relationships with others. It is important to recognise whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy, as this will help you to learn and move on from relationships that are negatively affecting you.
“Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognising ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.” - Dr. Christina Hibbert, 2013.
If you ever feel depressed or even suicidal and think the world would be better without you, THIS IS NOT TRUE. You deserve to live your life as your true self, and there are people who can help you to remember that. Try to talk to someone you know and trust, and/or contact the Samaritans at 116 123 which is a free call number. In order to maintain healthy relationships (including with friends, people at work etc.), we need to be aware of, and understand, our emotions. Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is one tool that can be useful for any person, in any type of relationship. The following acronyms containing letters for various skills may be useful for you:
DEAR MAN - for asserting yourself (expressing yourself confidently)
Describe the current situation.
Express your feelings and opinions about the situation; Use “I” statements e.g. I feel..
Assert yourself by asking for what you want, or saying “No.” clearly.
Reinforce or reward the person ahead of time: explain consequences.
Mindfully keep your focus on your objectives: don’t be distracted.
Appear confident and effective: good eye contact, no stammering.
Negotiate - be willing to give to get.
FAST - for self-reflecting
Fair - Be fair to yourself and to the other person.
(No) Apologies - No apologies if you are not in the wrong e.g. for making a request, having an opinion, disagreeing, etc.
Stick - Stick to your own values. Be clear on what you believe is the moral way to act.
Truthful - Don’t lie, exaggerate or make excuses.
GIVE - for building intimacy and understanding
Gentle - Be polite in your approach; no attacks, threats or judging.
Interested - Listen; be interested in the other person.
Validate - Validate the other person’s feelings about the situation.
Easy manner - Use an easy-going approach; smile.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS LBQ
Our community can often lack visible role models in relation to healthy relationships, so it’s important to know the signs of a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship we are more likely to feel positive and confident. Understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviours helps us to evaluate our relationships.
In a healthy relationship, on the whole we should feel:
• Positive and comfortable about ourselves
• Confident
• Loved, wanted, needed, and useful
• That our opinions and our physical and emotional boundaries are respected, even if they differ from our partners’.
Good communication is key – if there’s a problem or challenge in the relationship, it’s important that we feel like we can talk to the other person about it. It’s also essential that we can share or discuss what’s on our minds and feel heard. When a relationship is healthy we feel comfortable being our true selves. We accept each other for who we are and generally feel relaxed in each other’s company.
Further Resources
