I’m confused about what consent really means.
CONSENT WHAT IS CONSENT?
Consent is an agreement to participate in a specific activity or action. It cannot be forced. It must be mutual, voluntary, enthusiastic and ongoing agreement.
• Mutual - because every person that is involved must give consent.
• Voluntary - because it’s not consent if someone is pressured into agreeing.
• Enthusiastic - because it is important that every person that is involved actually wants to be involved, and is not just going along with it for others’ benefit.
• Ongoing - because you need to give and receive consent before and during each and every act.
WHEN IS CONSENT NEEDED?
• Consent is crucial for any physical or sexual interaction, including something as simple as holding someone’s hand.
• In the context of sex, consent means a mutual, voluntary, enthusiastic agreement between people to participate in any specific sexual activity. It must be given freely and cannot be forced.
• Sexual contact without consent means that someone is abusing, assaulting and/or raping another person.
• It is important that consent is ongoing i.e. before any and every sexual act. Just because someone has agreed to one thing does not mean that they agree to anything else! For example, if two people have consented to kissing each other, that does not count as consent for fondling each other’s bodies.
Consent is needed for every specific activity. This applies to sexual activity in real life as well as online and messaging.
Sexual abuse includes any non-consensual sexual acts. For example, forcing, tricking or guilting someone in to participating in a sexual activity is abusive.
CAN ANYONE GIVE CONSENT?
No - some people are not capable of giving consent according to Irish law. If they say ‘yes’ to any sexual interaction, it does not count as consent.
This includes:
• If you are not clear minded e.g., drunk to the point of incapacity. You can not give consent.
• If you are under the age of 17. You can not give consent.
• If you are incapable of understanding the nature or consequences of the sexual act, or incapable of communicating consent, due to a mental or intellectual disability or mental illness. You can not give consent.
Some people with mental or intellectual disabilities or mental illnesses are capable of giving consent, while others are not. It depends on the type and extent of the disability or illness.
If someone has been drinking alcohol or consuming other drugs, it is much more difficult to give your consent and to receive another person’s consent. No sexual activity should occur if there is ever any mixed messages, doubt or confusion.
Child sexual abuse is when a child is used by another person for their sexual arousal or for that of others. If you are worried about sexual abuse, please contact a rape crisis or sexual violence centre which supports people who have been sexually assaulted or abused.
WHO NEEDS TO GIVE AND RECEIVE CONSENT?
• Everyone involved in a physical or sexual interaction.
• Before any physical or sexual contact with another person, it is essential that you have already received their consent and you have already given them your consent.
RECOGNISING CONSENT
• The absence of ‘NO’ does not mean ‘yes’ - if it is not clear, it is not consent.
• People have the right to change their mind or withdraw consent at any time.
• No circumstance will ever give you ownership of another person’s body. For example, being in a relationship does not give you any ownership or control of another person. Sexual contact without consent is abuse, assault and/or rape.
• Nobody is ever entitled to a sexual experience or physical contact with you. It is a joint, voluntary decision.
• It is important to understand your desires and limits (what you’re comfortable with), and become comfortable communicating those to your sexual partner(s).
• It is vital that any sexual experience is for the enjoyment of every person involved - if someone no longer wants to do it, there is no consent.
• You have to consistently communicate with the other person. Even if both of you agreed to a sexual activity, someone could change their mind or become uncomfortable. This is totally normal.
• Any sexual communication online or by phone requires consent e.g. sexting.
• It is okay if you have questions about how to give and receive consent. Giving and receiving consent is something that you need to become comfortable with and informed about before you take part in sexual activity with others. If you would like advice regarding how to communicate consent with a potential sexual partner, you can contact the Sexual Health Centre for support and information.
MISINFORMATION ABOUT CONSENT AND ASSAULT
Many people in Ireland are misinformed about why assault happens. The Eurobarometer survey showed that:
• Almost 1 in 10 Irish respondents believed that if you voluntarily go home with someone or wear revealing, “provocative”or “sexy” clothing, this could justify non-consensual sexual activity.
• Almost 1 in 4 Irish respondents believed that women are more likely to be raped by a stranger than someone they know.
These are misinformed, harmful beliefs, based on prejudice, a lack of understanding, and a judgemental victim-blaming mentality.
The behaviour and clothing of an assault victim is completely irrelevant. The idea that clothing could be “provocative” is incorrect, and it takes responsibility away from the person who is abusing and puts the blame on the person who is being abused. Sexual assault and abuse is never the victim’s fault.
Many studies have proven that sexual offences are usually committed by somebody that the victim already knows.
RECENT HISTORY OF CONSENT AND IRISH LAW
Ireland has a very negative history regarding consent and the right to control what happens to your own body. This is interlinked with the history of shame in Irish society about sexuality and sexual health, and the historical, institutional abuse of the sexual health rights of women and sexual minorities.
• Until 1990, Irish law said that a man could not be found guilty of rape if the person being abused was his wife. This meant that women in Ireland were not legally protected from assault, and men were protected by law if they assaulted their wives.
• Until 2017, Irish law did not have any clear statement to define what counted as consent to a sexual activity.
• Many people who suffer rape and other sexual assaults are reluctant to report the crime because they do not trust the legal system, and because of the judgement in Irish society towards people who report sexual assault.
Further Resources
