What Does It Mean to Come Out?

Coming out means sharing your sexual orientation or gender identity with others. This could mean coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, or any other identity that feels right for you. Some people know from a young age and feel ready to share it early on, while others take more time. In Ireland, the average age for coming out is getting younger, with many LGBTQI+ youth sharing their identity in their teens according to the last ‘Being LGBTQI+ in Ireland’ research published this year.

“The average age of awareness of one’s LGBTQI+ identity was 14 years old while the average age of disclosure was 19 years. A small proportion (3%) of the sample had not come out to anybody, most of whom were cisgender, bisexual and aged under 25”. (Being LGBTQI+ in Ireland, 2024).

Coming out is an important and often emotional process for individuals who identify as LGBTQI+. It involves sharing a part of who you are with those you care about. Coming out can be both exciting and daunting, and each person's experience is unique.

What to consider?

When coming out, it's essential to consider who you feel safe and comfortable sharing your identity with. You might start by sharing with a close friend or family member who you trust will be supportive. It’s important to remember that coming out is your decision, and you should do it at your own pace. There’s no right or wrong way to come out, and some people may choose to be open about their sexuality or gender identity with everyone, while others may prefer to keep it private.

Reactions from those you care about can vary. Some may immediately offer support and love, while others may need time to understand. It’s okay if someone doesn’t react in the way you hoped at first, as many people need time to process new information. Some will not understand, but in this case, it is about support and respect even though they could struggle to understand.

Remember, you are not responsible for others' reactions. What’s important is that you feel free to express your true self and that you come out on your terms. Make sure you’re in a safe environment, and don’t feel pressured to tell everyone at once.

It may be difficult to be open about your sexual feelings. “Coming out” is a process of accepting yourself and deciding when to share your orientation with others. This process can be daunting, exciting and confusing and you may feel isolated from others at times. What is important is that you know you are not alone. There are many people who have gone through what you are going through.

Support Networks in Ireland

In Ireland, support networks can make a huge difference when coming out. LGBTQI+ organisations like BeLongTo, or the Sexual Health Centre, LINC and the Gay Project in Cork, offer safe spaces, peer support, and resources to help guide you through the process. According to the same research mentioned before, LGBTQI+ community groups provide critical emotional support, reducing feelings of isolation and fostering a sense of belonging.

Unfortunately, coming out isn’t always easy. While Ireland is becoming more accepting, challenges like bullying, family rejection, and fear of discrimination still exist. These issues can have a significant impact on mental health, especially for young LGBTQI+ people.

If you’re struggling with these feelings, reaching out to a counsellor, or LGBTQI+ support service can help. At the end of this page, you will find some services that can support you. It's important to remember that being true to yourself is a process, and your mental health and wellbeing matter above all else.

Sources: https://www.belongto.org/app/uploads/2024/04/FINAL-Being-LGBTQI-in-Ireland-Full-Report.pdf