How can I have safer sex?
OVERVIEW
SEXUAL ACTIVITIES
Puberty brings changes in feelings as well as bodily changes. Sexual desire becomes a more important part of healthy social and personal relationships. It helps you to understand your own thoughts and feelings so you know what is right for you. Sex can be one of life’s greatest pleasures. But it can also be very disappointing, frustrating or embarrassing. It can make you feel very vulnerable. It helps if we understand our sexuality and can communicate with our partners. Intimacy takes time and familiarity.
BY YOURSELF
Masturbation refers to stimulating your own genitals, usually with your hands or a sex toy. It is perfectly normal and safe. Knowing how your own body gets turned on can really help, if and when you do have sex with someone. If you know what you like then you can show the other person what works for you. Orgasm is the climax or peak of sexual excitement. It usually involves pleasurable feelings and rhythmic contractions of the muscles. Ejaculation is the expulsion of fluid from the genitals. Usually, people assigned male at birth orgasm and ejaculate at the same time. For people assigned female at birth, ejaculation of fluid is not always associated with orgasm. This means that many girls, women and people assigned female at birth may require stimulation of the clitoris with fingers or sex toys to reach orgasm. This is why it’s helpful to get to know your own body and what kind of stimulation you enjoy, before sharing sexual experiences with others.
WITH OTHERS
Most sexual experiences will start with a kiss or at least include kissing at some point. Everyone has their own individual style of kissing, so when you’re still getting used to your own kissing style, it can help to start slow and gently! Sex is not just about having sexual intercourse. It can include lots of things like kissing, touching, fondling, mutual masturbation (stimulating another person’s genitals), or self-masturbation. Safer sex involves giving and receiving ongoing consent, and giving and receiving sexual pleasure without passing semen, vaginal fluids or blood into your or your partner’s body. Safer sex ensures that everyone involved is fully respected and protected. It prevents unexpected pregnancies and transmission of STIs (see section on STIs below).
ORAL SEX
Oral sex is using the mouth or tongue to arouse the genitals of a sexual partner. Oral sex can be given and received by people of all genders. Oral sex is a personal preference - some people love it and others don’t like it at all. It is important that you are comfortable with what you do. Do not give oral sex if you have cold sores, as you could spread herpes (see section on STIs). Flavoured condoms can be used for oral sex.
VAGINAL SEX
Vaginal sex involves the penetration of a person’s vagina, with another person’s fingers, penis, or a sex toy.
ANAL SEX
Anal sex involves the penetration of a person’s anus, usually with another person’s penis, sex toy or fingers. If you are having anal sex it is very important to use a good quality condom and lubricant. It is important that you are comfortable with what you do. You should never feel pressurised into doing things you are not happy about.
SEXUAL ACTIVITY CHECKLIST
The age of consent for sexual intercourse is 17. Before sharing any sexual experience with another person, such as mutual masturbation, oral sex, or any of the other activities listed in this booklet, it might be helpful to see if the statements below are true for you: My potential sexual partner and I have had conversations about using condoms and contraception. We have discussed the implications of becoming pregnant (if that is a risk for my sexual partner and I). I want to take part in a sexual activity for myself, not just because someone else wants me to or thinks I should. We have discussed what we would do if the condom bursts or rips. We can have fun together without actually having sex. I am not being forced or pressured to have sex. In our relationship (or friendship), I feel like it would be completely accepted if I say no to any particular physical or sexual interaction. I feel like there is no pressure at all to do anything that I don’t feel comfortable and excited about. I feel comfortable and confident saying no or yes to any physical interactions. You probably won’t be ready for sex until you can tick all these boxes but remember even once you are ready – it still doesn’t mean you have to! If you have already had sex, it doesn’t mean you have to have sex again any time soon! You can take some time out if you prefer.
PREGNANCY
Sexual intercourse can lead to pregnancy. If you are worried about getting pregnant, talk to someone you trust or contact an organisation listed at the back of this booklet for help. It is especially important to seek out support if you do not have support from your family or friends. You will also find useful information in this booklet in the section about your menstrual cycle. You can get pregnant at any stage during your menstrual cycle.
HOW DOES PREGNANCY START?
Conception begins when the male sperm and female egg meet and unite in the female fallopian tubes. Conception is the start of pregnancy. A full-term pregnancy lasts for approximately nine months before the birth of a baby. Ovulation is when the egg is released from the ovary. This is the time you are most likely to get pregnant. It usually happens around 11 to 16 days into your menstrual cycle. However every person is different, so do not take this for granted. Get to know your own cycle. The sperm is ejaculated into the vagina during sexual intercourse. If the egg is fertilised (when the male sperm meets the female ovum), it travels up the fallopian tube to the uterus where it embeds in the lining. Hundreds of millions of sperm are ejaculated but it just takes a single sperm to fertilise the female egg. There are two ovaries, one at the end of each fallopian tube. They produce and store the eggs (ova). Each egg has the potential to be fertilised by a sperm.
SAFER SEX
While many of the acts highlighted above can be highly pleasurable and fun, it’s important to consider how to keep yourself and your partner(s) as safe as possible during and after sex. All sexual activity, by reason of close contact, carries some risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and some may risk an unplanned pregnancy. However, all these risks can be greatly reduced by practising safer sex. Safer sex practices should be based on the risks of the activity rather than a person’s sexual orientation. Someone’s sexual orientation may or may not be reflected in their sexual activity or choice of sexual partner. For instance, women who identify as lesbian or bisexual may choose to not be sexually active, or may choose to be sexually active with men and non-binary partners. If any of our sexual activity carries a risk of STIs or an unplanned pregnancy, it’s important for us to consider suitable precautions to look after our sexual health.
TIPS
• For LBQ women, some sexual activities where bodily fluids are exchanged are considered more high risk, examples include scissoring, vaginal, oral and anal sex.
• Touching your partner’s genitalia before or after touching yourself without washing hands heightens risk of transmitting STIs. Be sure to always follow safe hygiene practices.
• Don’t share sex toys, or if you do, you can reduce the risk of an infection by washing the sex toy properly between each person’s use, or by applying a new condom for each use.
• Some types of sexual activity while menstruating can put you at higher risk of contracting STIs.
• Always use contraception if sexual activity could result in an unplanned pregnancy.
• Douching (washing/cleaning out the inside of the vagina with water or other types of fluids) is not advised as it can disrupt the natural, healthy bacterial levels in your vagina.
• Peeing after penetrative vaginal sex can help you avoid urinary tract infections (UTIs).
Further Resources
