Business Post: The hidden addiction: Why experts believe compulsive sexual behaviour is a growing problem in Irish society
Catherine Healy
Compulsive sexual behaviour is rarely discussed in public, but it is an addiction similar to gambling or drinking that can be treated by health experts. Psychotherapists and other counsellors now have long waiting lists for their services and are calling for more accessible treatment.
Psychotherapist Donal Clifford and his team see the effects of compulsive sexual behaviour day after day. More than 60 people a week come to them for group counselling through Sex and Love Therapy (SALT), a programme for anyone who feels their sexual activity – whether it be porn, texting or anonymous sex – has spiralled to the point that it has a negative impact on their life.
Clifford says demand for the service, which is provided by Cork’s Sexual Health Centre has surged in the last year. The group sessions now have a long waiting list, but people are still coming forward for help. One recent caller was even prepared to make a 6 hour round trip from another county. “I tried to talk him out of that car drive, but he said, ‘No I’ve been struggling with this for 20 years.’ He had seen me on a podcast and said he was committing to coming every week to do a group session with us.”
Clifford began the group sessions as a side venture in 2014 after training with Paula Hall, a British psychotherapist specialising in sex addiction. Most of those involved in the early years were middle-aged men, he says, but the programme has drawn a wider range of clients since becoming part of the Sexual Health Centre in 2020. The people presenting now tend to be younger, many in their late teens and early 20s.
Compulsive Sexual Behaviour takes a lot of different forms, but it typically involves an inability to curb whatever habit has developed. The International Classification of Diseases, published by the World Health Organisation, describes it as a disorder characterised by “a persistent pattern of failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges”.
“It isn’t about the thrill of the chase” Clifford says. “A lot of people assume it’s about the orgasm, but it’s not about that at all. It’s about the compulsive drive to have sex, or watch porn or look for new material. Sex initially is something that makes them feel good, but when they end up coming to me, the joy has gone out of it. At that point it’s something that is tearing their life apart.”
Usually there are deeper issues driving the problem. “What we’re finding with people we meet is that they’re generally traumatised, which means there would have been trauma in their childhood.
Clifford and his colleagues try to help clients identify what a healthier sexual identity looks like to them. “Its not about doing without sex, but being comfortable with the sex you’re having,” he says. “With alcohol and drugs, people get help to stop and that’s it. You can live life without alcohol and drugs quite successfully, but there has to be a different approach when it comes to sex”.
There are plans to expand the programme to other areas if more funding can be secured. Martin Davoren, executive director of the Sexual Health Centre, says there is not nearly enough support for those struggling. “Compulsive sexual behaviour is something rarely ever discussed. People feel a lot of shame and stigma in relation to these issues, but we have to remember that those are feelings put on them by society. It’s a massive relief for people when they find the service we have in Cork, because here they finally have a space where they feel heard and understood”.
